The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron - Essay Example

The author explains how humans respond to pain and suffering. She further explains the causes of human pain and suffering. This book describes how problems can be transformed into blessings depending on the angle of view.

The causes of human pain and suffering
Seeking short-term comfort: more often it is easier to flee from a situation of pain than to confront it (Chödrön, 35). In such cases, it is impossible to describe the direction taken and the intended objectives. Life is like a rollercoaster bearing both high and low moments, but when the things that disappoint emotional expectations happen they are often not welcomed at all. In her book, Chodron advises that observing and feeling discomfort in times of pain is the only way out. Learning how to live in the moment instead of fleeing for temporary relief is the only solution. Temporary comfort is an act of delusion that has never been long-lived, challenges in life should bear the sole purpose of building human nature and a golden opportunity to identify one’s personality. If everything were to happen as we anticipate, there would be no thrill in life at all. Embracing both difficult and happy moments leads to long-lived happiness and a thrill of life. Like Chodron’s teacher saying ‘I’m ok’ on both good and disappointing days, this marks the beginning of confronting one’s fears (Chödrön, 35).

The fear of change: Chordron notes that the failure of human beings to embrace change leads to immense pain and suffering. Stability is every human being’s obsession; we have strong expectations for situations to remain the same. It leads to utter disappointment when they occur contrary to expectations. When constantly used to situations of success, adjusting to failure is often not easily accepted. The fear of change tends to create insecurity and discomfort, but it should be noted that this aspect of change builds and develops those who embrace it. In her writing, Chodron advocates that the only way is to ‘relax into change.’ Shunning away from change only postpones the situation instead of solving it; the key to growth is coming to terms with the fears. She suggests that one should stay present to the feeling of disappointment or disapproval, in doing so, they end up softened and eventually experience relief.

Resentment: The feeling of resentment towards others or oneself leads to a heavy burden and suffering. Bearing a grudge in one’s heart poisons and kills any form of bliss. People think of resentment as an enemy of love but it is the act of fear that draws a distance between people, making love practically impossible (Chödrön, 35). To escape such unnecessary pain and suffering, Chodron advocates for four limitless qualities: joy, compassion, love, and equanimity. To achieve this, an individual has to wish well towards all, be it friends or foes, familiar or non-familiar people. In her writing, she claims that one only finds happiness is showing and sharing it. She does not disapprove of the use of slogans to gain comfort (“I am good enough”), but she claims that they do not help in understanding the cause of the problem.

Delusion: The other cause of human suffering is delusion; people tend to shape life around mental escape. She claims that the act of hoping to create a perfect situation revolves around dissatisfaction a situation referred to as samsara. The act of denial, when a portion of life seems uglier than expected, deprives an individual of the opportunity to know themselves better (Chödrön, 55). Acts of excessive drinking, eating, or shopping during depressed moments do not solve the problem; they only postpone it for a while. In reflection on delusion, she claims that people normally focus on meditation in the belief that it creates relief from the situation. In facing these fears, she proposes a focus in the opposite direction. This sheds more light on individuals when they manage to confront their fears. Meditation should be for the core purpose of facing fears and not seeking shelter in delusion. There is clarity through the expression of emotions relating to anger or fear; this in itself marks the beginning of creating a better understanding of one’s personality.

Conclusion
Pema Chodron provides a means to prove that people can take charge of their life and their emotions depending on the perspective they address the challenges that life throw their way. This book enables us to appreciate and embrace human nature, be it positive or negative. Read More