How to Win Friends and Influence People - Book Report/Review Example

 “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie INTRODUCTION In the contemporary world, communication tends to be more digital and less interactive. With the discovery of email, digital social platforms, even the use of postal services to send letters seems to be phasing out gradually. The proliferation of networks goes beyond regional borders, ideologies and industries. In 1936, Dale Carnegie, a public speaker wrote a book entitled “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. He authored the book following an observation that the elites could only employ technical knowledge in order to survive, but they lacked people skills (Gulyani. N.p., n.d.). The principles of communication explained in the book never grow old and more individuals keep gaining insights from the book. The author went ahead to establish a full course which taught personnel from across the world the very necessary and basic skill of dealing with people. Fundamentally, the management of people often becomes too tough either in our social lives or the professional scenarios. The art of communication also builds up into the language of governance (Mandal, 34). Looking at the past, communication seemed so much easier where neighbors and villagers would gather over some communal activities. In the contemporary world, communication seems to get tougher with the introduction of digital platforms in addition to desires of individuals to be buried in their careers. This situation tends to be rampant in life an in the end the society produces successful people who have few or no loyal friends of their own. Effective communication in interpersonal relationships helps an individual to be a problem solver, motivated leader as well as an influential communicator. This could only be achieved through positive attitude in oneself, enthusiasm on the topic of discussion and individual confidence (The 5 Essential People Skills). Section One Dale’s book has six sections each of them discussed in depth on the topic of focus. Let’s focus on section one which focuses on the basic techniques necessary in handling people. This section mainly discusses on strategies of becoming more likable among fellow peers. The author broke down the topic further into three parts. The first part, entitled “If You Want to Gather Honey, Dint Kick over the Beehive” (Carnegie, 3). The beehive here metaphorically refers to the society that individuals relate with on a daily basis. The second part, “The Big Secret of Dealing with People” (Carnegie, 6), mainly emphasizes on the need to realize that human beings can also be referred to as creatures of emotion. He noted that “… When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with the creature of logic we are dealing with creatures of emotion…” (Carnegie, 6). Additionally, the third part of the book, "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way" (Carnegie, 11), mainly discusses taking the first initiative. When individuals within a relationship take up an initiative that would benefit the relationship, then they build trust. Fundamentally, humans need to manifest their intentions, thoughts and conclusions through communication. The book further identifies a few principles that individuals need to abide by so as to be great communicators. These principles help and individual to create more influence win more friends and maintain the existing friendships, as well as gaining progress in conversations. Positive influence can only be exhibited by gaining followers that show gratitude for your efforts, or those that delight in the individual’s image or inspiration (Gulyani. N.p., n.d.). The three principles First principle: refrain from criticizing, complaining or condemning Dane goes further to describe these principles as the golden rule. First, states that individuals need to refrain from criticizing, complaining or condemning. The three Cs stated here may appear easily avoidable but may often be expressed consciously or unconsciously. Often, people tend to criticize other people for the selfish gain of fame or bigger ego. However, in interpersonal relationships, an individual’s needs to acknowledge that criticism or condemnation of fellow partners only contribute to a bruised interpersonal relationship. Bruised relationships only brew limited associations and it also stirs negativity, low levels of motivation, grumbling as well as low self-esteem (Mandal, 34). At the workplace, leaders need to understand that criticism only leads to defensive behaviors. Criticism only inhibits productivity since it robs an individual of their pride, and nobody enjoys appearing stupid. Consequently, the victims may be motivated to be defensive of their actions not considering having made mistakes or not. Other than criticizing under productivity, leaders need to engage in other strategies to punish the victims. Such strategies may include rewarding best performance and challenging the team members to measure up to the standards set (Carnegie & Carnegie 22). Second principle: treat other people as crucial people The second principle of the golden rule states that the individual needs to treat people around them as very important people. Everybody in the society hopes that they are appreciated in one way, or another. Carnegie points out that such desires drive individuals to want the best cars, careers, and fashion styles available in the market at any time. Making an individual feel special only helps them improve their feelings about themselves, and this could be reciprocated in other diverse means. Attaching value to someone helps them feel contented, and this fulfills one of their primal needs to be of significance in life. In addition, valuable relationships rely on how genuine the participants appear. In communication, the tone and body language of an individual could greatly determine how genuine they appear to their audience (Mandal, 34). In conversations, there has to be a listener and the speaker. However, effective communication could only be achieved through being a good listener. Also, the speaker needs to speak less of themselves and be keen in allowing their partners to get a chance at speaking. In a society, individuals who feel unappreciated always gain recognition through engaging in vices. Such activities include joining gangs, abusing drugs and being reckless. Eventually, the individuals developmental health problems and may need medication or constant supervision. In the sales and marketing profession, the seller needs to embed a sense of value to potential customers. This is vital in building good rapport as well as building some trust thereby promoting sales (Mandal, 34). So, for example, if the salesman tries to make a sale of his product, they would be less successful if they kept talking about the profile of the company making the products. Nobody would be more interested in the company more than he or she would be interested in the product. Unless the information passed tends to promote the product as well, potential buyers only focus on the benefits they would gain from the product more than what the company gains (Carnegie & Carnegie 28). Carnegie clearly describes how in history, individuals persevered through so much hard work to gain recognition. In the contemporary world, the digital lifestyles provide easier means of gaining popularity. The desire to feel important serves be a drive for many celebrities. The internet enables its users to be more appreciated and valued depending on how individuals manipulate the internet (The 5 Essential People Skills). Third principle: Appreciate, the opinions of other people Thirdly, telling people what you want directly does not create influence. Individuals need to learn to appreciate the opinions of other people. However, in the contemporary world, many people tend to express their wants by bypassing what the other individual wants. More often, this approach happens to be futile since everybody needs to benefit for efforts or services offered. For instance, when a company seeks a financial sponsorship from a potential sponsor, they need to highlight how best the sponsor could be appreciated. In the sales profession, communication determines how well an individual performs. In that point of view, a company needs to incorporate the benefits that a potential salesman could benefit. Such benefits could include earning commissions or other rewards. Eventually, the individual would be delighted to be an employee of a particular company (Mandal, 61). Also, one needs to remember to avoid arguments. In the book, the author points out that an argument can never produce a winner. He states that the losing an argument only translates and winning the argument could also result in a loss. In communication, arguments could result in remorsefulness and low morale. Especially if done in the public, arguments only cause the victim or loser to lose face and this could contribute to resentment (Carnegie & Carnegie 52). As opposed to earlier concept, in order to engage in effective communication, individuals need to acknowledge their mistakes. In our daily relationships, conflicts may arise here and there, and the outcome of such situations depends on how well partners handle the situation. When the offender apologizes immediately for the wrong act, the victim would most likely be forgiving. However, delayed apologies may not appear quite genuine and could require more aggressive apologies (Mandal, 2). In a conversation, individuals need to be in charge of their emotions. In the introduction, we noted that humans tend to be creatures of emotions and less logical. Communication takes place satisfactorily through exchange of information embedded in emotions. For this reason, individuals need to be aware of tonal variation and non-verbal communication usually exhibited by the body posture. It is worth noting that communication is executed in two forms which include nonverbal and verbal communication. Therefore, individuals need to express the appropriate emotion for the appropriate communication. Emotions always exhibited work backwards for instance; enthusiasm of the speaker provokes the enthusiasm in the audience (Carnegie & Carnegie 22). As stated above, emotions determine how effective communication could become. Carnegie also pointed out four ways through which individuals could engage the world in their lives. These ways include our action, our appearance, how we communicate and what we communicate. The society acknowledges that the first impression always matters. Such stereotypes arise from the four ways stated here. Therefore before engaging in first-time meetings, one needs to consider their body language and their choice of words (The 5 Essential People Skills). The book comes in handy in great dimensions in impacting the people skills that would lead to better communication. Universally, a conversation between two parties could result in two outcomes. First is satisfaction; understanding and stronger relationships while as the second one results in worse conditions of the relationship with more confusion. Everyone hopes to make more, and more friends but many people lack the skill of making it happen (Mandal, 27). In conclusion, the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie magnificently narrows in on solutions to the problems of interpersonal relations as experienced before and in the contemporary world. The three principles, otherwise known as the golden rules help to shape communication both in the professional and social settings. Works Cited "Review + Notes: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie." Abhinav Gulyani. N.p., n.d. Web. 17 Oct. 2014. From Carnegie, Dale, and Dorothy Carnegie. The Quick & Easy Way to Effective Speaking. New York: Pocket Books, 1977. Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2014. Internet resource. http://gulyani.com/book-review-notes-how-to-win-friends-influence-people-by-dale-carnegie/ Mandal, S K. Effective Communication & Public Speaking. Mumbai: Jaico Pub. House, 2006. The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2009. Print Read More