Strategy of Dr. McGraw - Book Report/Review Example

«Strategy of Dr. McGraw» Chapter 1 Summary In this chapter, the author Phillip C. Dr. McGraw intends to interpret the peculiarities of human mind and its expressions from a psychological perspective. The key argument he puts forward runs as “there is no reality; only perception” (McGraw 1999, p.150). He clearly distinguishes between sensation and perception relying on relevant examples and reasons; and at the same time evaluates the correlation between these two factors. In order to prove the perceptional variance between individuals, he points out the different attitude or approach men and women take on common life situations. According to him, when men do the work, they consider it as a duty; whereas, women believe it as an act of love to her family. The author illustrates another example from the life of Dr. Victor Frankl who was held prisoner in Auschwitz concentration camp, and whose wife and parents were killed during the World War II. He had faced dreadful torturing during the term of his imprisonment. Finally he discovered that, if this harassment continued in the same manner, he would go for insane; so he decided to live by the principle that “we only know and experience this life through the meaning or the relevance of perceptions that we assign to it” (McGraw 1999, p.153). By this example the author tries to prove his idea explicitly that, ‘events in one’s life have the only meaning that he assigned to it’. So the happiness or wretchedness of our life depends on the angle we looked at it. In his opinion “there is no good news and there is no bad news; there is only news” (McGraw, p.154). The news becomes good or bad according to the conception of the people which they attained from their surroundings. Everybody has some individual filters such as personalities, attitudes, styles etc, through which one observes the world and develop one’s conceptions. McGraw says (p.156) that if we observe the world through a filter which is formed by past incidents, we are allowing the past to control and decide our present and future. ‘Faulty initial assumptions’ is another trouble associated with perception in which a person reaches conclusions of something or someone at the first sight. For instance, a person reaches an initial assumption like ‘nobody likes me’, and if he treats the assumption as true instead of testing it, he cannot get away from the particular feeling. In Author’s opinion, individuals with such personality traits populate our mental institutions. Furthermore, the author points up that “beliefs are things you hold to be true and accurate” (McGraw 1999, p.163). A fixed belief or negative belief is a type of belief, which becomes the part of our perceptual system and affects the power of seeking and processing the information. Limiting beliefs are one of the most dangerous categories of fixed beliefs by which ‘you have about your own shortcomings and limitations, either real or imagined’. The narrator mentions about some self evaluating questions which is helpful for finding out our limiting beliefs. We have to change our fixed beliefs as well as the limiting beliefs in order to ensure the freshness of our prospective. Discussion I will use the following strategy to implement my life change project: since “there is no reality other than perception” (McGraw 1999, p.150) I would closely examine my assumptions before determining the effects of life events. I have precisely understood from the author’s clear-cut ideas, that there is nothing good or bad in my life; instead it is the way I look at events determines the virtue. Moreover, I will remember that my outlook is exceedingly influenced by the knowledge I attained from my family, school and society. Now I am able to I look at the world through my new filters so that I would find that the world itself is heaven. At the same time I am aware of the horrible effect of ‘Faulty initial assumptions” and I decide that I would not let it happen in my life. By studying this book and answering the self evaluating questions I could find out the fixed beliefs associated with my addictive buying behavior. I will certainly master my perceptions so as to change my faulty interpretations and negative attitudes into positive outlooks. Chapter 2 Summary Realizing the facts of life and the process of changing the needs of the time determine the standards required for a life manager’s position. Comparison of life with expectancy levels leads to problems that demoralize a person. For instance, many of the marriages are initiated with thrill and passionate feelings for an imaginary life full of joy and wonders, but when the couple walks along the bitter tracks of life, they feel pathetic. “You can help yourself as a life manager if your expectancy set about life is realistic rather than naïve.” (McGraw 1999, p.168). As a life manager, one needs to be more systematic about life than sentimental. He should guide you away from foolish doings; put you in opportunities where you can shine and create chances where you can get everything you want in life. A better life manger takes care of you health and helps you build relationships; all the more the freshness and liveliness of your life should be regulated by your life manager. Some problems raise questions for which no answer can be found relevant. Many problems in inter personal relationship occur due to imbalanced emotional reactions. Life is what we live among the surroundings which has negative and positive impressions upon us. A life manager within us should be a potential trainer who can help us erase the fear and irritation we develop from similar earlier experiences. A lack of emotional balancing leads to perpetual loss of integrity in communication with others. Considering the importance of the presence of the person you are interacting with, you can approve an agreement of eliminating the pains of insignificant pains due to emotional cracks. Keeping a promise with absolute care is the best tip to emotional balancing. “Think about how you feel when someone makes a commitment to you and then breaks it” (McGraw 1999, p.173). This is a rational factor that keeps us on track of perfect integrity. Efficiently managed life leads us along the way that yields whatever we want to keep us happy. It nurtures the cumulative feeling that we are important in the world with assignments to perform and evaluations to be made on each act. Our qualities and abilities to do our work in efficient patterns are modified by the life manager. The better attention he is paid, the more work he does or us. Determination and commitment are trained and inculcated in us only by the life manager. These two things are the important keys to success. Therefore, a life manager needs to be a strict guide who forcibly entrusts you assignments for each day and evaluate you performance as such. The training of the life manager keeps us in faith, confidence and vigor to stand against challenges. “How well you handle your overall life will be direct reflection of how well you are managing your personal life”. (McGraw 1999, p.182). In a single line, the importance of life manager can be described as he is the facilitator for the arrangement of unevenness and scatter of opportunities, time sessions, activities and evaluation process as well as behavioral changes happening around us to a rather disciplined and systematic way in which every success is practically guaranteed. Discussion I will use the following strategy to implement my life change project based on my reading of the chapter, Life is managed: it is not cured”. The normative behavior guidelines and importance of contingency selections of necessities guided by the book inspires me to harness my irresistible passion for buying meaningless things. I also identified the personal draw backs in me as an individual while selecting thing to be bought. I can apprehend the problem of addictive buying habit by exploring the study of concrete behavior as said in the book. I was very much inspired to lead a decisive life as I read the lines, “The life you’re managing is your own. The emotional life, the social life, the spiritual life, the physical life that you are managing all of it is your own. Manage it with purpose, manage it with knowledge.” (McGraw 1999, p.183). On the basis of identification of required fields of improvement in my behavior as I learnt from the reading, I have decided to relocate the problem zones and categorize every activity to its priority list. The findings are truly helpful in negotiating my addictive buying behavior with motivational drives of my mind. Now, I can say that I am able to take a decision on what I should look, act or speak like among other people of my group. This newfound ability within me is to be attributed to the influential lecture of the book. Chapter 3 Summary Dr. McGraw explains in the Life Law #8 that “we teach people how to treat us rather than complain about, how people treat you (p.184)”. In author’s opinion, a person can determine the behavior of others with whom he interacts; and thus the person becomes his own results. In other words, your results will depend on how you interpret a person’s behavior and react to it. The writer says that each participant should have equally important contribution to form a relationship since it is a give –and –take process. The author, through an example clearly demonstrates how a relationship works out. But the significance is that, once the terms and conditions of the relationship are mutually defined, it exists till redefined. The author precisely illustrates the same from the experience of the middle-aged couple, John and Kay. They mutually defined their relationship twenty seven years ago, and their unfair interference into the relationship created disputes in-between them. The author also mentions that any party to the relationship can declare it as ‘reopened for negotiation’. The author narrates the story of the lady Dolores’s who was admitted in the hospital for a surgery due to the severe torture of her husband. It happened because she could not teach her husband what he can get away with and what he cannot. Dr.McGraw specifically points out that “whoever your relationship partners may be, you have taught them the rules and you have taught them the boundaries of the relationship” (p.191). The Author tells us to fix a minimum standard for our relationship such as ‘socially, mentally and emotionally’ so as to receive ‘dignity and respect’. The ‘paying off’ to partner or participant, must be according to their treatment to the relationship; moreover the pays off must not be for their negative behavior. Therefore the author instructs to discard some relationships which are good for nothing. At the same time, the writer reveals that we are also responsible for the mistreatment which we get from others. If we need to change or redefine our relationship, we have to analyze our current position in order to assess the volume of changes to be brought. The author provides a list of questions in this chapter in order to diagnose the current status of our relationship and reasons for it. By answering to these questions, we will be able to interpret ourselves and thereby the position of our relationships. Once the relationship interpretation is done, the next step is to bring about desired changes into practice. For this, Dr.McGraw gives some valuable psychological instructions which can be implemented for shaping our relationships. Discussion I will use the following strategy to implement my life style project: “if you’re involved in a relationship in which someone is consistently abusive, exploitive, or insensitive toward you, find out what you’re doing to encourage that behavior, so that you can realign the relationship in a more healthy direction” (McGraw 1999, p.185). As an addictive buyer this strategy has a great significance in my life since the idea clearly warns me the affects unfair relationship. I am greatly influenced by the author’s doctrines of relationship; and on the basis of this strategy, I understand that the party with whom I interacts has also the responsibility to contribute equally to our relationship. Generally I used to purchase many things without interpreting which essentially required to me or not. Here my addictive behavior is being exploited by the other party, the seller. Now I understand the catalyst which encouraged the seller to exploit me was my psychological disorder that is addictive buying. Now I learned that no one has benefits out of my addictive buying other than the seller. Since the seller is insensitive towards me, I must renegotiate our relationship. Chapter 4 Summary In his tenth chapter, Dr. McGraw narrates the impact of anger in human mind. “Of all the emotion in human repertoire, hate, anger, and resentment are among the most powerful and self-destructive.” (McGraw 1999, p.200). All may not accept the theory easily as we have sufficient reasons to support our anger and hate. However, the author says that, we do not realize the volume of changes that takes place in a person a result of such feelings. According to him, when we carry these negative emotions constantly, our body will reach in a ‘condition of physiological imbalance’ called ‘heterostasis’. People experience headache, nightmares, poor concentration etc as a result of uncontrolled emotions like anger. When you are addicted by the above mentioned emotions ‘a negative energy will dominate your entire life.’ (McGraw 1999, p.202). The author argues that one can contribute only what one has in order to build up relationship. In other words, if we have negative emotions like anger, hatred, and resentment in our heart we cannot convey pure love to our partners. Dr. McGraw tells that we determine our behavior and thereby its consequences. As discussed in the earlier chapter, we always look into the world through our filters which we have developed from our surroundings. Therefore, if we observe the world with anger and hate, we would get nothing better in return. The important factor to be understood is that through negative perspective we achieve nothing other than mental and physical strain. The author illustrates the story of David Kelly, who suffered mental as well as physical torturing from his father at childhood. His father had never loved him or even touched him even though David Kelly handled his responsibilities clearly. Once at his age of seven, David got injured from their large tractor and needed hospitalization. But the father whipped him with a field rope and ordered him stop cry. This incident changed David into a new man for he wanted to prove to his father that he was a man ‘tough enough for anything’. But his father died in an accident causing David frustration because young David had not proven himself. After the marriage, David also treated his son as the same way that his father used to do and created many problems in his family. According to McGraw, David had loaded his mind with full of hatred, and he looked the world through this filter. In author’s opinion, “you don’t have to have the other person’s cooperation in order to forgive them” (Dr. McGraw, p.207). Discussion I will use the following strategy to implement my life style project. “The only thing worse than being hurt by someone in your life is keeping that hurt alive after they have gone” (Dr. McGraw, p.209). Being an addictive buyer, I can take advantage of this strategy very much to change my life style. From the author’s perspective, it is not a matter that what I am; but the matter that what I will be. At present, I am an addictive buyer; I will think what I can do instead of cursing my misfortune. Already I have the power to decide what to do; but I must use my power positively in order to overcome my behavioral problems. For this, I must alter my filters of addiction and nervousness through which I used to see the world. I can easily alter my filters with the help of above mentioned doctrines of positive power. Chapter 5 Summary An important chapter of a life manager’s theoretical remarks on different spheres of life is the ability to select and describe what one really needs. This inability leads to the deprivation of many a chance to people. Reasons for this drawback are generally identified with their family backgrounds and the environment they live. “Having lived in unpleasant circumstances, perhaps for years, gives you an unwelcome familiarity with and ability to recognize them.” (McGraw 1999, p.212). The scientific side of correlation of expectancy and reality takes its way when we realize the actual outcome of the result of our actions with intent to achieve our goals or expectations. When we do something to obtain a certain result and expect for something else to happen, it is meaningless. Therefore it is necessary to make a map of what exactly our wants are rather than holding higher levels of expectation to turn the things positively around us. The prominence of Life Law is reinforced with the strong impacts of choices we make to follow up in life. Negligence of the life law means a disastrous turn of degradation of life, so everyone needs to decide and name what he wants. “Naming what you want deserves your utmost attention.”(McGraw 1999, p.214). Decisions on wants and preferences are to be made in consolidation with the reflection they emphasize on others of the family or relationships. Strategies of life laws need to train people at being flexible in their decision making policies. Time factor usually plays a great role in the definition and formulation of one’s choosing an item of his interest. Overemphasize to anything results in demeaned minds when the expectations fail. That’s why our comprehensive evaluation of purposes and needs goes hand in hand with the flexibility of thinking in times of variations from the track of expectancy. This ability to distinguish between the benefits of flexibility and success of static thinking is a great key to success in life. Such characters are formed only with the intimate knowledge one can possess about what he wants. “You need to know so much about what you want that whenever you are heading toward it, you know it, you feel it, and you sense it.” (McGraw 1999, p.215). Thus, a trial to attain what we want teaches us the impressions of a victorious term of happiness. Another field of demands of life laws is the definition of what you feel when you say, “That’s it!” While you successfully answer any question about the meaning of ‘it’, you are finding a perfect solution to the perplexity of deciding what right thing you want. Individuality corners of decision making are of great importance in relation with the formation of identity. What is meant by happiness claimed from meeting the wants is varied from one person to another in mostly every context. The importance of identifying one’s want lies in the success he makes out of it. While decision making is important to hail success, it is equally important to work on the plan for it. Expectancy may reach a person at the levels of being in the highest position but his success depends straightly on how he works for it. “Being the president of a democratic country is a possibility to every citizen but you need to have great knowledge and very long years of experience in politics.”(McGraw 1999, p.217).The claim of being or having something we want is proportionate to the courage we apply in selecting our want and working for it with dedication. A distinct factor of meaning of happiness in association with physical possession of something or the comfortable self esteem drawn from its ownership is a guideline for choosing the modest but most comfortable wants. Emotional balancing of wants and ends is primary aspect of a successful life. Wanting something that is expected to loose soon leaves anyone at a marsh land of choices. What life law opts for us is the best thing to which we are emotionally and courageously attached. Courage is the factor stressed here again, because that is what governs one’s power to continuously possess what one claims as his right. “Having willingness and courage to claim what you want is a major element in successfully applying this Life Law.” (McGraw 1999, p.225). Knowledge of what you want and courage to possess it adds to your strength that can protect your interests from the influence of others. Discussion I will use the following strategy to implement my life change project: “Life Strategies”. The compound level of analytical reading of all the sequential explanations and live narration of the experiences attract me to the fact of being a perfect designer of my life. I learn to remind me the fact that taking a decision on important acts in life requires conscious resolve for better quality of them. I also understand that the force of the decision and conviction of the presentation are the factors that modify the skeletal system of life management. The desirable qualities of a life manger need to be possessed for the better support of choices we find as our favorite. The reading also teaches me the moral, “You must require of yourself what you would require of someone you would hire as a life manager.” (McGraw 1999, p.226).When this principle is observed with concern, the remaining part of the life management process works smoothly. Mrs. Linda’s referential interview with the organizer of the life management course shows me examples of how people can get back to reality and tolerate even the intolerable if the guidance works this way. I observe that this reading has given me a new line of information on how to manage stress and move on the fixed path to reach our goals. Mrs. Linda’s intimacy to her goal boosts her determination and sustainability to stay on with the work. This reading is by all means, a great tutorial for decision making that prompts actions on the desired goals. References McGraw, P. C. (1999). Life strategies: Doing what works, doing what matters. New York: Hyperion Books. Read More