Assigning Children to Daycare Centers - Essay Example

Peer Review-I ___________________________________ Reviewer’s _________________________________ Present the thesis in your own words and discuss whether it is persuasive and whether it provides an accurate guide to the direction of the paper. Thesis: “The fast paced nature of life in the modern world compels parents to entrust their children to daycare centers, which is not a healthy practice because such facilities do not care for children as much as the family can and it is also highly expensive besides the risk of their employees not being trustworthy.” While the thesis statement gives the readers an orientation to the topic, it can be improved in terms of clarity, precision and brevity. Which are the essay’s strongest arguments? Why? The essay mentions the expenditure involved in assigning children to daycare centers and argues that it is better to engage a babysitter, who will extend better care for the child. This argument is valid on the ground that in day care centers, children may not get the same personal attention that a babysitter or nanny can provide. Similarly the essay refers to the possibility of the employees in daycare centers having criminal history, which the author backs up with suitable examples. This argument is also a valid one in terms of what one can observe in the society. Which are the essay’s weakest arguments? Why? The narration of the medical concerns and the mention of the amount the author had spent in treating a child sound a little weak. Medical problems do not seem to be the rampant issue in day care centers. If the author feels so, this contention should have been supported through research evidence. What counterargument(s) are addressed and rebutted? If they are not present, suggest at least one counterargument and how the author might answer it. The essay hardly acknowledges the opposition view and, therefore, no attempts have been made on the aspect of refutation. My suggestion would be to include some of the advantages of daycare centers such as they can come as a solace when both parents need to work at the same time. To refute this, I would argue that this does not qualify a daycare center to win the trust of parents. I would also include some suggestions relating to such facilities being more professional and the government or community involving more in the operation of such organizations to ensure that the consumer receives proper services. Does the author use signal phrases to introduce quotes? (Signal phrases are discussed in more detail in section 10g of The New Century Handbook. ) If so, provide an example. If not, suggest the correct way to do this. All quotations that the writer has used are stand alone, without integrating them into the writing. The author also has not used signal phrases appropriately. I personally believe that rather than using stand alone quotations, the writer can integrate the quotes into the writing so that the prose will have better coherence and flow. Are all quotations followed by in-text citations that include the page or paragraph number? The writer has not used proper in-text citations in the paper at this stage. However, it appears that because this is a draft. The citations, as they are now, do not follow the standard requirements for acknowledging the sources. I presume the writer will address this issue before submitting the final paper. Are all quotations followed by explanations that interpret the quote? The writer does correlate the gist of the quotation to the content of the paper. However, it appears that this is not done in an effective manner showing to readers the relevance of the quote or any analysis of the same in relation to the previous ideas stated, nor has the writer tried to integrate its meaning into the succeeding sentence. Does the author ever directly address the reader? If so, point out a sentence and show how this sentence could be written more formally. The writer switches between first person, second person and third person narratives and does address the reader directly by stating, “depending on the area that you live.” Instead of writing in this manner, the writer could have conveyed the information by using the third person narrative and modifying the sentence to: “Yearly care for one child can vary from $3,582 to $18,773 depending on the area where the parents live.” Make additional comments here (this is the place to share your own thoughts and reactions to the ideas): The writer has a clear notion of the problem and has been able to effectively put it across to the audience. However, while the essay is emotive and communicates its meaning quite well, the writer needs to address some organizational issues and technical issues in it such as counter arguments as well as following a proper sequence. The writer does not use the conclusion for the intended purpose and instead narrates personal experiences. While such anecdotes would have been interesting, if included in the body paragraphs to support the ideas in the topic sentences, the mention of new concepts in the conclusion is not appropriate. Besides, there are several grammar and sentence level issues, apart from the citation problems, that the writer needs to address in the revision. Peer Review-II Writer’s Name: ___________________________________ Reviewer’s Name: _________________________________ Present the author’s thesis in your own words and discuss whether it is persuasive and whether it provides an accurate guide to the direction of the paper. Thesis: The many reported cases of UFOs and extraterrestrials visiting the Earth or even trying to communicate with humans suggest that there is life in other planets. The thesis is interesting enough to persuade the audience to read further. However, since the essay mostly argues the validity of extra terrestrial presence on earth, either the thesis statement may be modified or the writer should include specific statements in body passages that deal with the existence of life on other planets. Which are the essay’s strongest arguments? Why? The essay’s strongest argument is that extraterrestrials visit earth as well as they attempt to communicate with humans. The author has made the arguments convincingly. Which are the essay’s weakest arguments? Why? The author mentions of sending a recording in one of the space shuttles hoping that ETs will intercept it and respond. This idea is not fully developed and it does not help to support the author’s argument of the existence of ETs. What counterargument(s) are addressed and rebutted? If they are not present, suggest at least one counterargument and how the author might answer it. The essay fails to consider the opposition’s view and no statements about the existence of such a view are indicated. This makes the writing sound biased. The author, while revising the paper, may include this aspect and refute the opposition’s view by using appropriate refutation strategies. Does the author use signal phrases to introduce quotes? (Signal phrases are discussed in more detail in section 10g of The New Century Handbook ) If so, provide an example. If not, suggest the correct way to do this. Yes, the author does use signal phrases to introduce or align outside information into the writing as in the case of the story in Japan in 1903 by stating that “It documents” through which the readers understand that the author is about to state something taken from a source to validate an argument. Are all quotations followed by in-text citations that include the page or paragraph number? The writer has not used proper in-text citations in the paper at this stage. However, it appears that because this is a draft. The citations, as they are now, do not follow the standard requirements for acknowledging the sources. I presume the writer will address this issue before submitting the final paper. Are all quotations followed by explanations that interpret the quote? Yes, in most cases, the essay meets this requirement. Does the author ever directly address the reader? If so, point out a sentence and show how this sentence could be written more formally. Yes in many places the narrative slips into first person. It will be a good idea to stick with third person narrative. For example: The sentence, “While we are looking at the idea that aliens helped humankinds…” This could be easily changed to: “While humans look at the idea that aliens helped them…” Make additional comments here (this is the place to share your own thoughts and reactions to the ideas): The essay has an interesting narrative and the author integrates several examples and anecdotes throughout it. The arguments are convincing as they use good examples. The main problem is that the author slips into first person narratives in many places. While revising the author can change it to make the paper consistently remain in the third person POV. There are also some grammar and sentence level issues that need to be addressed while revising the paper. Read More