I think that pornography is harmful to a couples relationship - Essay Example

Pr0fessor: ‘I think that pornography is harmful to a couple’s relationship’ In today’s world of technology where everything has gone cyber, all multimedia including pornography is available on the internet easily accessible around the world and has become part and parcel of people’s sexual lives especially youngsters. It has its demerits obviously but being harmful for a relationship is totally out of question! Disregarding implications of its usage in light of religious schools of thoughts and in terms of moral wrongs, if we take, in isolation, its consequences in a couple, its benefits absolutely outweigh its disadvantages, if any. I would strongly recommend all couples to accept this notion to be a healthy part of their relationships and, in case of any difference of opinions, to discuss openly about this agenda and give it a try to experience the fruitful outcome it generates between them. Through ages, surveys have been conducted to determine whether pornography is harmful for a relationship and what effects it produces for a couple. Consequently, researchers have identified few established facts about the aftereffects of watching pornography by a couple, individually or together. If we see in terms of collectively watching it, we come across two major advantages it provides as explained in a lecture by Mr. Chen: It contributes to the learning and sexual knowledge of couple. They can educate by identifying new exciting activities and ways to physically mate with one’s partner. They can know new ways to stimulate the partner and about the dos and don’ts during sex. It also adds to their chemistry by enhancing the intimacy and ecstasy between them in bed. Couples tend to get bored soon due to repetition of similar activities in every session. Pornography makes them look forward to their regular intercourse sessions where they can try new things as seen on video, creating better thrill and variations (Chen, 14 March 2013). Variety in sexual relationship plays a vital part for almost all couples. According to Crooks and Baur, many individuals have a misconception that excitement and arousals stirred in their sexual experiences will always stay the same as in initial stage. Soon, they seek alternatives as their saving grace to gain satisfaction which they cannot get anymore from their own relationship (Crooks and Baur, pp. 201). This destroys a relationship completely and might ultimately result in breakup out of need for change! This is where the essential role of pornography sweeps in, creating new vibes of pleasures and sensuality. It is important for couple to allow its involvement in their sexual lives and discuss about it when the need arises. Speaking on an individual level, it is also necessary to have personal space to watch pornography occasionally when he or she feels too overdosed with intercourse. Also, according to an article provided in Elia’s book, researches showed that individuals, especially men, claim that, inspired from tactics used in pornographic content, they discovered new methods to pleasure themselves and guide their partners to do the same during sex to stimulate them better. The craving to improvise and to try something different got fulfilled for most of the men by indulging themselves in self-pleasure while watching pornography (Elia, John and Albert, pp. 283). Sexual pleasures are the primary goal for any intimate activity carried out by a couple. In his book, “Sex Industry: Porn and Prostitution” (Pp. 269-273), suggests that self-pleasures while watching pornography motivates individuals to try these activities with their partners as well. They associate having intercourse with their partners to the reward of getting arousals and ultimately orgasm. There is a possibility of enhancement of emotional attachments in a couple through attaining orgasms which in turn are guided through education learnt via pornography. Therefore, it might prove to be beneficial to discover oneself through self-pleasure exercises during pornography and later incorporating the same into session with partner to boost up chemistry between them (Elia, John and Albert, pp. 284). What could help would be running the same video content on a screen while sitting with your partner to imply how the partner should go about things during intercourse to ensure they get maximum pleasure. Stimulation during sex can be done through various ways but researches show that source of stimulation that once used to work doesn’t seem to cause same level of arousal in later sessions, resulting in dissatisfaction and embarrassment. Pornography can be utilized to solve this issue. Individual should try putting on some video content prior to intercourse, helping himself and the partner to get aroused by focusing on the content initially and later moving onto their own session, taking guidance and ideas from porn. This not only stimulates them to pleasurable levels getting them ready for each other but also helps cutting an icebreaker. At times it becomes quite difficult for a couple, especially in their first time or otherwise if they are not much comfortable or open to each other, to initiate intercourse session and feel embarrassed to be the one talking about it first! Then it’s highly recommendable to run pornographic content to indicate indirect cues about intentions to indulge in sexual activities. Also, as suggested by Crooks and Baur, partner might not be in mood for it but might get to that point after watching porn. Many couples claim that they had sex with no initial intentions to be indulged in them but later got stimulated through various means including pornography, ending up having intercourse. The urge to experiment what they see on screen is far too great to resist! (Crooks and Baur, pp. 558) It shall be only fair to mention here a similar real-life instance in this regard relating to someone I know very closely. I was great friends with a guy in my high school who later moved to another state for his graduation studies, where he fell in love with his classmate and they got so emotionally attached that they ended up marrying within 2 months from start of their relationship. After few months of marriage, he met to catch up on things. Soon, I was taken aback to discover that his marriage ended recently. Since we always had been close, I insisted on giving me details about what went wrong. I was told that they lost their spark soon after marriage, especially their chemistry in bed. He got fed up of routine sex sessions and when he persisted her to improvise trying new things learnt from porn, they had a big fight as she was very conservative and against this whole phenomenon. It was just a matter of time when my friend finally got involved in an extra-marital affair to satisfy his longing which his wife wasn’t able to, followed by a divorce. Now he’s extremely against the whole idea of getting married and wants a relationship open to ideas such as pornography so not only he gets his personal space but also ecstatic experiences with his partner. Relationships need to be strong and should not get affected by mere factors such as watching pornography. Both partners should acknowledge each other’s sexual needs and open up to each other instead of watching porn secretly and hiding or lying about this fact due to embarrassment. Relations are shaped through trust and sincerity and therefore non-disclosure about this fact would make one’s partner feel alienated and betrayed and would have adverse effects. On ending note, let us all resolve to make this notion common for all couples so any relationship, where the end is around the corner on grounds similar to those as of my friend’s, could be saved and people in true love do not get separated for a reason as simple as watching pornography! References Chen, Ivy MPH. HED 320, ‘Contemporary Sexuality,’ Sex Industry: Prostitution & Pornography lecture, 14 March 2013 Crooks, Robert, and Karla Baur. "Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships."Our Sexuality. 12th ed. Belmont, Calif. : Wadsworth ; Andover :Cengage Learning [distributor], 2013. Print. Crooks, Robert, and Karla Baur. "Sex For Sale."Our Sexuality. 12th ed. Belmont, Calif. : Wadsworth ; Andover :Cengage Learning [distributor], 2013. Print Elia, Jhon P., Albert J. Angelo, and Ivy Chen. "Sex Industry: Porn and Prostitution."Readings in contemporary sexuality. 2nd ed. Dubuque, Iowa: Kendall Hunt Publishers, 2005. Print. Elia, Jhon P., Albert J. Angelo, and Ivy Chen. "Sex Industry: Porn and Prostitution."The Times News Paper. 2nd ed. Dubuque, Iowa: Kendall Hunt Publishers, 2005. Print. Read More