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Part two of final - Essay Example

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My thoughts seemed clearer in my mind than on my paper. Some of my problems in writing come from discussing too many ideas in one paragraph and…
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Part two of final essay
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Part two of final

Download file to see previous pages... luded page numbers for paraphrased material, while global changes include clarifying the topic sentences of each paragraph to support the thesis and to produce an organized flow, revising the conclusion to offer a unified ending and a stronger impact on my audience, and giving more illustrations from the poem to support each point.
Local changes should not be ignored, especially when it concerns adding a few words to clarify the thesis and page numbers to paraphrased sentences. My professor wanted me to consider the gross side of puking in Eileen Myles’ “Everyday Barf,” so I changed my thesis to: “Myles argues that to puke is a metaphor of developing and expressing one’s true identity because it is a process of spilling what is inside, which is similarly gross and liberating.” I added the italics part because her comment inspired me to see puking as both gross and enlightening to one’s identity. Moreover, I also added page numbers to paraphrased sentences. For instance, I did this to one of the sentences that I paraphrased from the text: “Myles feels uncomfortable in shouting “O-Reil-ly” outside Fox because she feels it is a racist chant (Myles 74).” I forgot that even paraphrased material must be properly cited, even when I am talking about only one text (“MLA In-Text Citations”). These minor changes improved the citation and clarity of my paper.
Aside from local revision, I produced global changes, particularly clarifying the topic sentences of each paragraph to support the thesis and to produce an organized flow, revising the conclusion to give a unified ending with a strong impact, and including illustrations from the poem to support each point. My professor commented that I should improve the clarity of my writing by focusing on a few, related ideas only. I realized that I muddle my topic sentence by exploring too many ideas, so I changed several topic sentences, such as: “To puke is to express that identity to others, including ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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